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Cerberus Chat Logs

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Chatlog #4

(Warning, NSFW language below)
Cerberus Chat (TM) Client v. 5.67
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[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] okay i put the butter in now what do i do
[Gardner] Now, you knead it all together for a while.
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] so i beat the crap out of it
[Gardner] Kind of. You're actually working the ingredients into dough.
[Gardner] The yeast will start to activate, and later, you can watch it rise. Then, you can bake it into bread.
User AbUsEd_BiOtIc has logged off.

User GRUNT has logged on.
[GRUNT] DO YOU HEAR THAT? WHAT THE HELL SHEPARD ARE WE UNDER ATTACK?
[Shep] What *is* that thumping noise? Don't we have internal damping systems?
[EDI] The source of the noise seems to be a series of concussions against the hull.
[Shep] Where the hell is it coming from?
[EDI] Inside the ship. Specifically, the lower hold area.
[EDI] A hull breach is imminent. Commander, you must stop whatever is causing the damage.
[Shep] On it. Grunt, meet me down there.
[GRUNT] THIS IS WHY I FOLLOW YOU SHEPARD! LOUD THINGS!
User GRUNT has logged off.
User Shep has logged off.

[Vakarian_Dew!] Damnit, I was going to ask Shepard about these boxes I found at the forward weapons battery.
[Jacob] You know, we call that "The Calibration Station" now.
[Vakarian_Dew!] What the fuck ever. There are like six boxes here full of smaller plastic boxes and wires.
[Jacob] Explosives?
[Miranda] EDI would've detected any explosives brought onto the ship.
[Vakarian_Dew!] One of the smaller black boxes with woodgrain on it has an even smaller black box sticking out of it.
[Jacob] The banging stopped. I hope the commander wasn't too late.
[EDI] The hull breach was averted. I am currently investigating the cause of the concussive impacts.

User GRUNT has logged on.
[GRUNT] HAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHH
[Vakarian_Dew!] Well, what was it?
[GRUNT] HAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAA IT WAS GLORIOUS!
[Miranda] What was?
[Jacob] What?
[GRUNT] SOMETHING MADE IT ONTO THE SHIP AND JACK WAS FIGHTING IT
[Vakarian_Dew!] What? An unauthorized boarding?
[*~Kasumi~*] Our old friend Harbinger, I imagine.
[GRUNT] SOMETHING NEW, IT WAS SMALL AND WHITE
[GRUNT] WHEN I GOT THERE, JACK WAS GIVING IT HELL.
[GRUNT] I CHARGED IT AND HIT IT A COUPLE TIMES WITH THE CLAYMORE, BUT THEN SHEPARD TOLD ME SHE'D TAKE CARE OF IT.
[GRUNT] WANTED THE KILL FOR HERSELF, I GUESS!

User Shep has logged on.
[Shep] False alarm, everyone.
[Shep] Mess Sergeant Gardner, from now on, you will be the ONLY person preparing meals aboard this ship. Understood?
User Gardner has logged off (reason: Back to work.)
[Shep] Anyone that mentions anything about what just happened will receive a severe reduction in his or her booze ration.
[Vakarian_Dew!] Fair enough. Shepard, what are all of these boxes that popped up here?
[Shep] Shit, Tali didn't see them, did she? That's important stuff and I can't have her taking it all apart.
[Vakarian_Dew!] No, she hasn't been by since we turned her temperature down while she was asleep last week.
[Miranda] You guys are *still* messing with her suit?
[Guddamn_Zaeed] Wish I could've seen the look on her face. "Vy iz it so cald in heer?" Ha ha ha!
[Shep] Ha. Garrus, those are vintage game consoles. From Earth before the 2000's.
[Jacob] I've only read about those in books; those are antiques! How did you get your hands on them?
[*~Kasumi~*] *hums a tune*
[Shep] EDI, walk Garrus through the setup process for that old hardware. Try "Yars' Revenge" first.
[EDI] Yes, Commander.
[Vakarian_Dew!] Oh, these smaller boxes are the games...here's one called "FORESHADOWER." I'll try it out.
[Not_An_Undergrad] Caution is advised!
[*~Kasumi~*] That's not one I lifted from the museum...
[Jacob] Wait a minut
[Vakarian_Dew!] ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL

User HARBINGER has logged on.
[EDI] I've lost control of most of Normandy's systems.
[HARBINGER] I HAVE DISABLED YOUR DRIVE CORE AND COMMUNICATIONS RELAYS
[HARBINGER] YOUR LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS HAVE BEEN SYNCHRONIZED WITH YOUR SCORE IN THE CLASSIC ATARI GAME "ET"
[HARBINGER] WHEN THE SCORE STOPS RISING, YOU WILL PERISH
[Shep] No fucking way, I'll airlock myself before I play that game.
[Jacob] Me, too.
[Miranda] I'm already in the airlock.
User Not_An_Undergrad has logged off (reason: self-inflicted gunshot wound)
[EDI] Mister Moreau has agreed to purge my memory core before he spaces himself.
User EDI has logged off (reason: OS not found)
User Shep has logged off (reason: ping timeout)
User Jason has logged off (reason: ping timeout)
User Miranda has logged off (reason: ping timeout)
User Guddamn_Zaeed has logged off (reason: ping timeout)
User Not_An_Undergrad has logged off (reason: ping timeout)
User *~Kasumi~* has logged off (reason: this is how i disappear)
User Vakarian_Dew! has logged off (reason: in the thanix cannon)
[GRUNT] THIS GAME ISN'T THAT BAD
User GRUNT has logged off (reason: FUCK THIS)


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