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Cerberus Chat Logs

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Chatlog #2

(Warning, NSFW language below)
Cerberus Chat (TM) Client v. 3.80
Original code written by [NAME REDACTED]
All rights reserved.

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[EDI] ...so I told him that he's had so many things in my server case, he should be paying me!
[Shepard_Commander] That was FUCKING terrible, EDI. I knew I'd regret having an AI on my ship.

User Hot_Redhead_69 has logged in.

[Shepard_Commander] Alright, who the hell is Hot_Redhead_69?
[*~`Kasumi`~*] Don't give him any access codes this time, Shep.
[Hot_Redhead_69] lol i'm not harbinger it's me kelly
[Scoped_and_Dropped] Are you fucking wasted or something?
[*~`Kasumi`~*] Oh, my.
[Hot_Redhead_69] yeah im pretty ddrunk xd
[Shepard_Commander] I'll take it!

User Shepard_Commander has logged off (reason: en route to red-haired heaven)

[Jacob] I've been trying to tap that shit for months. Fucking Commander.
[Miranda] I know how you feel, Jacob.
[Arid_Assassin] Siha?

User GRUNT has logged in.

[GRUNT] I'M STUCK IN THE AIRLOCK AND I NEED THE ACCESS CODE TO THE INTERIOR BULKHEAD DOOR
[GRUNT] HURRY, IT AUTO-CYCLES!
[*~`Kasumi`~*] We've heard this particular line of bullshit before.
[Scoped_and_Dropped] I'm just glad Shepard isn't here to fuck it up this time.
[jessie's_guy] You're guddamn right. That's the poorest impersonation of Grunt I've ever seen
[jessie's_guy] And I've seen Mordin AND EDI try to impersonate him
[AbuSeD_bIoTiC] harby gtfo plz kthx
[GRUNT] I'M SERIOUS IT'S ABOUT TO DECOMPRESS
[AbuSeD_bIoTiC] why dont you assume control of your dick and go fuck yourself

User Shepard_Commander has logged in.

[Jacob] That was quick.
[*~`Kasumi`~*] Fast worker, aren't we, Shep?
[Shepard_Commander] A lady doesn't kiss and tell.
[Dr_Chakwas] Commander, you aught to come down to the medical bay soon for...testing.
[Dr_Chakwas] I can't say any more as it will be a breach of doctor/patient confidentiality.
[Scientist_Salarian] Shepard! Protection is advised even in same-gender encounters!
[Shepard_Commander] Whoops. Well, can the day get any worse?
[EDI] Yes, Shepard. I'm detecting what appears to be a dead krogan in the port-side airlock.
[Jacob] FUCK
[jessie's_guy] That's just guddamn terrible
[Miranda] I'll call The Illusive Man. Maybe we can bring him back.
[AbuSeD_bIoTiC] fuck that lets bronze him and use him as a hood ornament
[jessie's_guy] That would be pretty guddamn badass
[Shepard_Commander] Well, I'm glad Okeer is dead.
[Shepard_Commander] Otherwise he'd be on his way to kick all our asses.

User GRUNT has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User GRUNT has logged in.

[GRUNT] GREETINGS, SHEPARD. I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE ACCESS CODE TO THE CARGO BAY DOORS.
[GRUNT] PLEASE REPEAT IT.
[Shepard_Commander] 429371. Why do you need to open the cargo bay doors?
[AbuSeD_bIoTiC] are you fucking retarded

User GRUNT has logged off.

[jessie's_guy] OH GUDDAMN
[Jacob] fuck not again
[Scoped_and_Dropped] For fuck's sake, Shepard, I spent all this time calibrating these guns, too!
[*~`Kasumi`~*] See you all on the SR4.

User Shepard_Commander has logged off. (reason: headed down to the cargo bay with the cain)

[Jacob] DAYUM
[Miranda] HOLKY FUCK
[Gardner] everyone head down to the cargo bay. i'm making up some popcorn for this


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