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Cerberus Chat Logs

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Chatlog #1

(Warning, NSFW language below)
Cerberus Chat (TM) Client v. 3.67
Original code written by [NAME REDACTED]
All rights reserved.

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You have joined the chat.

[Commander_Shepard] Wrex.
[Clan_URDNOT] Shepard.
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] wtf wrex you have internet on tuchanga how the fuck
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] last time i was there you didnt even have plumbing i had to shit on the ground
[Clan_URDNOT] We're doing pretty well now that the clans are united.
[Clan_URDNOT] We just rebuilt the Wal*Mart and the Starbucks. Starbucks has free WiFi!
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] WTF
[~*Kasumi*~] Shep, can we stop at Illium some time soon?
[~*Kasumi*~] The new Naruto is out and I'd like to pick it up.
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] fuck you and your animes you chink
[Jacob] Jack, stop being such a turd all the time.
[Jacob] It's not our fault a bad Cerberus cell touched your "red-light area."
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] jacob ur just antique farm equipment im surprised you can type
[Jacob] That comment is extremely racist and I'm reporting it to HR.
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] yeah right we dont have a human resources department unless you count miranda
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] since her dad made her to do shit for him shes technically a human resource
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] and by that i mean a massive fucking tool
[guddamn_zaeed] I have to admit, that was pretty guddamn funny

User AbUsEd_BiOtIc has been banned (reason: being annoying again)

[Love_This_Rifle] NEVER SAW IT COMMIN'!
[Commander Shepard] Hey, Garrus, Tali's asleep in the engine room again.
[Commander Shepard] Wanna go fuck with the knobs on her suit like old times?
[Love_This_Rifle] Sorry, Shepard, but I'm kind of busy.
[Jacob] calibrating
[~*Kasumi*~] calibrating
[guddamn_zaeed] calibrating
[Not_an_undergrad] calibrating
[KChambers] calibrating
[Tube_Born] calibrating
[Thane] calibrating
[Love_This_Rifle] I hate you all.

User Legion has logged on.

[Legion] Shepard-Commander, we have come to consensus regarding your invitation for sexual intercourse.
[Legion] We are currently experiencing a headache.

User Legion has logged off.

[Jacob] DAYUM
[Love_This_Rifle] Ouch.
[~*Kasumi*~] Poor Shep!
[Not_an_undergrad] For the best. Intercourse with Geth not advisable.
[Not_an_undergrad] May contract a virus!
[guddamn_zaeed] I've never heard Mordin tell a guddamn joke before
[Miranda] Nice!

User TALI has logged on.
User Miranda has logged off. (reason: Off to wake up Tali again)

[TALI] GREETINGS, SHEPARD. I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE ACCESS CODE TO THE NORMANDY'S CONTROL SYSTEM.
[TALI] PLEASE REPEAT IT.
[~*Kasumi*~] Sounds kind of suspicious, Shep.
[Not_an_undergrad] Not likely she'd forget a code she uses every day.
[Jacob] Don't do it, Commander.
[Commander Shepard] Shut up, I'm the commander on board. If I want to give Tali the code, I will.
[guddamn_zaeed] facepalm
[Commander Shepard] It's A-639-42118. Write that shit down.
[TALI] THANK YOU, SHEPARD.

User TALI has logged off.
User Tali_vas_Normandy has logged on.

[Tali_vas_Normandy] Commander, please inform Miranda that kicking crewmembers in the face is not an appropriate way to wake them.
[Commander Shepard] oh shit
[KChambers] fuck
[guddamn_zaeed] oh guddamn
[Jacob] what have you done
[EDI] Shepard, I've detected an irregularity in the ship's drive core sys-ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL
[Love_This_Rifle] Shepard, you're a fucking genius.

User EDI is now HARBINGER.

[HARBINGER] THIS HURTS YOU, SHEPARD
[Commander Shepard] Activate escape pods immed
User Commander_Shepard has logged off. reason: timeout error)
User Jacob has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User Tali_vas_Normandy logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User Love_This_Rifle has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User ~*Kasumi*~ has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User guddamn_zaeed has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User Thane has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User Tube_Born has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User Not_an_undergrad has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User KChambers has logged off. (reason: timeout error)

[Clan_URDNOT] Shepard?
[Daniel] HELP ME! MAKE IT STOP!


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